Tuesday 1 November 2016

Unrequited Love: A Letter To You

Everyone has a story of an unrequited love at some point in their lives. That's what you are to me.

People are talking about how you're with someone new. That you're not using those 'boyfriend/girlfriend' terms yet but it'll get there eventually. I always knew that you would really like her. I knew it when I saw her and I'm usually pretty good with these things.

The rumours are flying around and most people say they don't believe something until they have seen it for themselves. But I don't want to. It will be too hard. I have been here before so I know from experience to get away from it all early before it goes further and I end up heartbroken over someone I never had and never will.

That's not to say that this doesn't hurt, this is brutal. But what's best is me leaving you alone completely. Not even looking at a profile picture. Its a very lonely place to be. You made me so happy and confident with myself in a way no one else has. I miss you, I hope that means something to you.

I thought that we would be good together. In fact I still do (maybe it's the idea of you, but I don't want to believe that). There is a lot in common between us and I have never gotten bored listening to you. You are one of the most interesting people I have ever come across. Intelligent. Thoughtful. Confident. Softly spoken. Funny. Creative. Tough. Considerate. Difficult. At times a real dick but I love that about you, so openly flawed that it made it so easy to fall in love with you. All of you. Not want to change anything. Not even how you could have your pick of any woman in the world.

For so long I have been looking at so many beautiful women comparing myself to them and hoping that you wouldn't fall for them, though I saw the way you would looked at them. Or maybe go back to one of your incredible ex-girlfriends, beautiful beyond compare, killing all my chances of being with you. Now you are with someone, someone I suspected from the start, and I have to turn around. I can't look for you anymore. Even if it's not true I should've done this earlier. But you changed me.

I'm better off having had you in my life. Stronger, braver, bolder. I'm going after things that, a year ago, I never even considered could be something I could do. I believe that nothing is impossible because you taught me that and I am forever grateful.

I just wish you were with me.

I hope in the future I will get to see you, talk to you and tell you all this. Or maybe all you will know is what is written here. In my wild imagination I hope that we both move on with our lives and they will eventually bring us together. But I don't want that if its at the cost of your happiness. You are so much more important than anything else.

I'm going to, but I don't want to move on. I have to to stop me from getting to involved when you know none of this and the only person who ends up crying is me. So here goes...

Be happy (with her or someone else).

I love you.

I miss you.

So much.

Goodbye.

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