Why Can't There Be Introverts?

The world is a loud place. It's something that everyone knows and over the past few years, in the advancement of technology, it feels like it's gotten even louder.

We are now more connected than ever which, like everything, carries along with it a big list of pros and cons. We can now tell anyone anywhere what we think about anything and everything (this blog included) which can be viewed as both a pro and a con in itself.

We live in a place where it feels like opinions and thoughts must be given and shared whether it's on something important or not. We live in a place where we say things, anything, to get instant gratification in order to not be left behind and forgotten. This teaches people to say more and to talk around the clock.

This kind of mentality has moved from the internet into our daily lives. We all knew that one kid in class who spoke for the sake of speaking, the talker, the extrovert who had no problem at all saying what they thought, loved being around people and didn't like it when it was quiet. The world now favours the extrovert and is now becoming an increasingly harder place for introverts to exist.

The planet needs both introverts and extroverts but there now is an imbalance. Not in numbers but in the balance of who is listened to and heard. As we now live, we have to make noise, we have to say something in order for others to notice us and listen. As someone who is naturally very introverted, trying these kinds of behaviours out were ones that were extremely torturous and short lived.

From personal experience, speaking for the sake of speaking leads to very long and tedious small talk where your inner monologue begins a very long list of things that you would rather be doing or repeating various swear words at the person who is talking at increasing volumes.

This need to say something leads to an interesting question: are we now afraid of being quiet?

The first possible explanation is that we don't want to be alone. Of course we don't want to be alone. Humans are social creatures and we need social interaction. Talking allows others to know we're there, they then give us their attention and we are no longer by ourselves. Even if we are by ourselves, we will most likely be on social media connecting with others in some capacity. But this doesn't need to be constant. If we are alone, not talking in any kind of way then we must be lonely and lonely people are sad people. The line between lonely and alone is not as thin as people would think.

Introverts like being on their own. Usually for hours or even days at a time. This time alone lets quiet people enjoy the quiet and are often able to focus and concentrate on one thing for a long space of time. However, it seems that popular opinion tells us that there is something wrong with these people who stay in one space for extended lengths on their own and say very little or even nothing at all. There is now pressure on these people to change making it harder for introverts to live how they want. Especially for those who are desperate to fit in.

Introverted people can find some social occasions very difficult as they don't like saying something unless they feel they absolutely need to and don't like having meaningless chatter squawked at them. Having met lots of quiet and introverted people like myself I've found that introverts who have trained themselves to have extroverted behaviours are often very unhappy, they don't believe in what they're talking about and don't feel good in themselves. They feel like frauds and are unable to be who they really are as society won't allow them.

People love to encourage others to be themselves but this now looks very hypocritical if those who want to be quiet around others or not around others at all don't feel like they can. As writer Susan Cain said in her book 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking', "We can stretch our personalities, but only up to a point."

The media does seem to play a part in this as, in films and TV, it is often the quiet characters who rarely speak and are often alone who end up doing something catastrophic. From my point of view, people feel uneasy if they don't know what you're thinking.

I had a very eye-opening experience recently where I was sharing an elevator with a cleaner at my work. Apart from the obligatory hello when I first got on, I was quite happy to stand at the side and wait until I reached my floor. The cleaner, however, asked me if I was sad because I hadn't said anything. Up until this point we had been in the lift together for a grand total of 20 seconds. I was really taken aback by this question.

From then on I started watching people more carefully.

Working in a retail environment perhaps isn't the best suited job I could have as I've had many challenges having small talk with people (who you only talk to for 5 minutes, if that), but for now it is the only job I have. What is fascinating about it though is that I get to view a huge variety of people shopping. A very big social occasion in most cultures. Very rarely do I see people on their own and if they are they are either talking or typing on their phones or they are listening to music. What do people think will happen if they just had a quiet moment around lots of other people? Have they ever even thought about it?

When was the last time you did something in silence. Most of the time we're listening to something, playing something, watching something while doing something else. A good example is surfing the internet on your phone while watching TV. Chances are you're not really watching TV, it's more there for background noise.

My introverted friends and I love it when it's quiet and being quiet around each other. A lot of people would find a situation like that weird, antisocial or funny but usually it's not about communication, it's just about having company which is why many introverts love spending time alone with their pets.

As the masses are trying to say the most in the loudest voice over top of each other, quiet and introverted people are often looked past or forgotten. During my life I have been forgotten or overlooked on several occasions but, as it's easier and more fun for me to sit back and watch, these times have often suited me just fine.

As a result of being alone in a crowd, introverts usually become very interested in observing others and become very interesting people themselves. They notice things that are usually ignored, are very good listeners, quite imaginative and, as they don't talk just for the sake of talking, when they do talk what they say is usually very well thought through and well spoken.

Some of the most successful and influential people are those who have harnessed their introverted natures and used it to their advantage. People such as J.K Rowling, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan, Harrison Ford, Charles Darwin, Rosa Parks, Audrey Hepburn, Alan Turing, Dr. Seuss, Steven Spielberg, Meryl Streep and Mark Zuckerberg to name a few.

“In the nation’s earlier years it was easier for introverts to earn respect,” Cain said in a Q&A with Amazon.com. “America once embodied what the cultural historian Warren Susman called a ‘Culture of Character,’ which valued inner strength, integrity, and the good deeds you performed when no one was looking. You could cut an impressive figure by being quiet, reserved, and dignified."

When asked about how her introverted nature influenced her writing, Rowling said " I had been writing almost continuously since the age of six but I had never been so excited about an idea before. To my immense frustration, I didn’t have a pen that worked, and I was too shy to ask anybody if I could borrow one…I did not have a functioning pen with me, but I do think that this was probably a good thing. I simply sat and thought, for four (delayed train) hours, while all the details bubbled up in my brain, and this scrawny, black-haired, bespectacled boy who didn’t know he was a wizard became more and more real to me.”

It's good to be quiet, it's good to be alone, it's good to be silent around others. It always has been. It wasn't ever broken, but we are trying to fix it.

(If you would like to know more from Susan Cain, click here http://bit.ly/1WKEY7N)