Women Aren't That Great

For over several decades the feminist movement has been among us creating a wave of change for women and their roles in society. Very recently much talk has surrounded the issues of how women are portrayed to the masses and the gender pay gaps in almost every occupation. The main reason for the feminist movement is to be treated as equals to men and to stop being seen as merely sex objects. Men need to change their attitudes towards women, but the truth is we aren't doing all that well ourselves.

In my current job I have come to the conclusion that there is a certain type of woman who feels they have the right to be rude to the young women they are talking to. She tends to be middle aged or older, middle class and white. Over several occasions I have seen the attitude change almost immediately if someone else arrives to speak with them. There have been many times when I have told a woman something she doesn't want to hear such as "I'm sorry, we do not stock that product". It is something that can't be helped, either the company has it or it doesn't and some places are not able to order things in for whatever reason. However, this news coming from a 20-something can make the older woman become very irritable and impatient. She becomes rude and disrespectful and this seems to give her the right to talk down to the young lady as she is clearly incompetent. More than a handful of times I have gone to get another colleague who is an older man to come and say the exact same thing to the woman only to have her accept what he is saying without any kind of argument and be on her way. I have seen this happen among my other colleagues, even my manager who is a woman. You just need to look younger than these women it seems.

Perhaps young women have fault in these situations. I know that this certain type of woman, on a bad day, can crush the small amount of confidence that I have in an instant. I become flustered and embarrassed and can't speak properly and will end up saying something wrong to worsen the situation. I know that it happens to others too and you forget what you know you should say. Maybe its something you learn to grow out of as you get older. Watch this space.

On a primal level, there does seem to be evidence that it is logical for women (and everyone else for that matter) to follow the authoritative man. After all we are animals and commonly in the animal kingdom (among animals where the males stay in the group) it is the males who are bigger, who are head of the group and who fight other males for territory, food and the right to mate. Others in the group are taught not to try and take his role. Maybe this has something to do with women finding it easier to fight and argue with each other than it is with a man, especially if the one woman is viewed as below the other.

Of course this kind of treatment between women is not just between those who have a large difference in age, all women can be very unforgiving towards each other and you would know this only too well if you are, or have ever been, a teenage girl. In terms of bullying and bringing each other down, teenage girls are masters. I will admit I did not treat every girl the way that I should have at that time. But now, after getting through this stage of life and into make adult years I have discovered that it doesn't matter how old you get, some women don't outgrow these behaviours. There have been times that I also have repeated my teenage self as a grownup and I've felt terrible about it. I'm no angel, nowhere close, but is there anything around us could be encouraging such childish ways?

Prime examples of this are tabloid magazines and reality TV shows based around gossip. Mostly written and hosted by women and read and viewed by women. If you look closely at these you will find the same old bullets that these women are using to fire at those in the spotlight: she's put on weight, she's lost too much, she has a secret eating disorder, she's sleeping with this guy or all these men, she's fighting with this woman, she's still carrying baby weight after having her baby four months ago! Its ridiculous. The only thing that ever changes is the target. Why do these things have any kind of audience at all?

They also have extremely mixed messages about how women should treat themselves. Usually these things will say 'love yourself and your imperfections' then 'here's a workout to get that 'perfect' body', 'dress how you want to' to 'these are must haves!', 'eat healthy' with 'here's a great recipe for a cake'. I'm not aware of any male magazine doing this to men. If anything they build themselves up and don't make men feel guilty about it. Why don't we?

If we want to be seen as equal to men shouldn't we be starting with ourselves? I have no doubt that women can be great and could end up running the world so it won't be such 'a man's world' anymore. We can have equal rights and opportunities and girls everywhere will be able to receive an education but we won't be able to do it if we don't treat ourselves and each other properly. I have been told that how people treat others is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. If this is the case women must see themselves as deserving of being in the gutter.

I wish I knew the solution to turn these attitudes around but I don't. I'm at a loss. It all just feels like a David and Goliath battle with Goliath getting bigger and bigger the more women become obsessed with judging other women and going out of their way to hurt each other through new mediums like social media.

Can this ever stop? Am I the only one embarrassed?!

Manhattan

I find that writing in the middle of the night, like I am now, brings out old memories from a myriad of places. I suppose all memories are old as they are events and moments from the past, but I think old memories are the ones that you know will never fade. Like the ones I'm having at the moment.

I remember being in my local coffee shop in Manhattan. It was October and the leaves were falling, like me. The coffee shop where sometimes the drinks were decent but most of the time it was disgusting stuff. You remember don't you? 'Course you do, you worked there. I always came in only to see you. A cliche I know, but you did believe me for a long time when I said I worked from home and didn't want to walk too far to get some coffee, so I settled for clump of coffee you served. Stupid lie, you told me, but you smiled when you said it.

It was that day in October when I first got the courage to say more to you than just "Americana please". You let me embarrass myself for so long until you finally said "It's Americano." I blushed a deep red and you laughed. When I was about to leave you told me the coffee was on the house. "I love you, no I mean I love that!" I couldn't breathe. "That's a relief" you said, with that smile. I still couldn't breathe. From that moment I was ruined.

All of a sudden it felt like New York was ours. We shared it. You went wild for the crisp air and beautiful snow during winter while I stayed near a fire. I soaked up the sun and heat in summer when it was too hot for you to leave the air-conditioning. You loved the never ending noise of a city alive and I loved the never ending array of people who brought it to life. That was us, two halves who, together, had everything the city could give us. Until it wasn't.

Over the years it was like the winter snuck in through the cracks and tickled my feet before creeping up over my bones. Folding itself around me, over and over. It wouldn't have made a difference had I set a forest on fire and stood in the middle of it. It made me deaf and blind to you. Numb, actually, now that I think about it. And I couldn't stop it.

What was it like for you? Did the heat grow through you like anger? Did the summer boil your blood? Is that why you left so often, to go out and drown yourself in the constant roar of the city, so loud that it would conceal your own explosions?

You found me saying more to strangers in the street than I would to you. I always had to fight my way through crowds to find you. Eventually we both stopped looking.

So I left.

As I knew you would, you didn't search for me. I tip-toed out during the night you were away to spare you having to explain to your friends that you watched me leave. You came back to space that could be filled with someone new. That was that.

As atonement for my actions, I leave you Manhattan. You always needed it more than I did. The streets, the avenues, the falling leaves. I've gone west to settle on the beach. When it gets blustery I'm going to shout out my apologies into the wind, hoping they make it to you. Like how sorry I am that I didn't love you enough or that we ended up the way we did. I wish things had stayed the way they were at the beginning. But through the seasons and over the years, like everything else, we changed. I loved you back then, I do now, but after a while we weren't us anymore and I fell in love with an idea of us that I started to imagine. An ideal us that we could never come close to but that's where I stayed for so long. I shouldn't have.

Please have Manhattan, because I can't have you.